I’ve broken into the food stores for 8 other cryo pods now and eaten quite a bit more than I should, but it was a necessity. I have been going mad from the light and lack of sleep and I needed a solution. I can close the lid to the cryo pod but it does not latch and springs back open and even closed it is transparent from head to toe. I have been able to craft a small chain of plastic foil wrappers from the food bars that I can hook to a handle on the lid and a hook that holds the padding on the inside to keep the lid mostly closed and have been able to block out most of the light from the pod lid by a more disgusting means. In an fit of sleep deprived madness, I was able to black out the light by covering the outside of the lid with my own feces. Although it was gross, my first attempt seemed to work some and I was able to cover about a fourth of the pod lid near the top by using the small pile that had already accumulated in the far corner.
I slept better immediately and needed more… material to finish the job. Being my own biological factory necessitated more raw material input, so I shoved bars into my stomach as quickly as I could. After sitting against the wall with a full and aching stomach and a well rested head, I realized that I may be able to make a much less disgusting paste material by mixing the bars and water. So far, my attempts have not held together well and the bar paste would just flake off as the water dried. My pod is now three fourths of the way covered in turds, but it does not stink too badly after it drys and I have been able to actually sleep.
Man, I sound like a scientist, but I am playing with my own crap. I somehow doubt that my mother would be proud.
I have barely been leaving the pod actually. My depression is unbearable and all I want to do now is sleep. Sleep and stew in my own pity. I look at Kim sometimes. I stare at her frozen face and think “How could you?” I also think of the good times we had that are all lost, the hopes for a future that will never be and these dark thoughts bring me back to my bitter thoughts.
I have thought more of attempting to unfreeze her and have even used her pod as a test to see if I could force open the lid, not caring if she would die or if I would have to live with her awake with me. Either way would be fine right now. It has been only five days and I am starting to think that input from anyone would be good.
I do wonder if anyone in any of the other pod modules is awake like me. I have taken to rapping “shave and a haircut” on the doors and the bulge by the terminal occasionally thinking that it would send a clear message that it’s not a mechanical noise if anyone would hear it but I have yet to hear anyone knock back.
I shouldn’t be too surprised though because of the way this ship is constructed I doubt that sounds can travel much. The titan class colony ship is made for long and dangerous trips across vast distances. A lot of things need to be taken to jump start the colony and to supply all of the people. The ship is totally modular with interconnecting blocks in stacks and rows like shipping containers. Some have people, some have materials or machinery and all can be used as shelter once the ship arrives at its destination. Yet others still contain engines, avionics and other ship parts. Most of these are redundant too. All of this is wrapped in an ablative shell that is designed to burn away on atmospheric entry.
Each module is self contained like this to reduce the chance of a total loss when things go wrong. The thing is, we are travelling very fast for a very long time and it is entirely likely that rocks or other space stuff could rip right through parts of the ship. With everything self contained and redundant, the ship could theoretically get hit by several things and the colony still survive. Of course this could also mean that there is absolutely nothing on the other side of these doors and my module has separated from the rest of the ship.
Thoughts like this and every other worst case run through my mind all day every day. I have no idea how bad it could really get, but the thirty minute vid that we watched while getting detoxed, explaining the safety features of our ship, did point out a hell of a lot of things that could go wrong.
As I write this, I am starting to realize other possibilities. We may have landed. Maybe we are on the planet now and the other pods are broken and should be opened too. I mean there is gravity in here and maybe there shouldn’t be. I mean, what do pod people need gravity for? They never told us this any any of the prep videos and I had no reason to ask if there would be gravity while I was frozen.
I feel like I need to get out of here but what if something happened to the ship and I am spinning through space? What if there is “gravity” because I am spinning hopelessly through space and if I open the door to a vast nothingness and we all die?
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do.
I will just keep plugging away at trying pass codes on the tablet and see what unlocks when I get that open. It’s been about an hour and it should be about time for me to try entering another code.